just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Two words: nipple clamps
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