so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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