Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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