Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize