It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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