party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
