your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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