I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
