Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
