You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
