Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
