my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
