I cut my penus on the lid.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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