There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
