so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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