I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
