Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
