Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize