i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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