you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
