peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
