You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
