saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
