I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
