HIV tests are more positive than that guy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
