i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
