Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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