Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
