Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
