Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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