1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
