I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
