Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
