Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i believe in u and ur pee
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
