Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
