ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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