it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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