I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
