i jhust puked up my retainher.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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