Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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