I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This gyro tastes like lonliness
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
