Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
