my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
