I wanna bring you to show and tell
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
