I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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