Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He passed out mid-signature
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am one with the molecules
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
