I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
