This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
birth control should be required to get into college
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
