my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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