she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
