I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
