is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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