I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
