I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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