I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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