When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
