After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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