Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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