I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
