all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
