you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
