Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
