I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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