My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize