Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
