His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
