operation harelip BJ is a go
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
