you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
