she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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